you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
