He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
