guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
