god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
