i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize