Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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