question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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