the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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