It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize