Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
