To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
