fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
