so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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