Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
