i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
