Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
