You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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