Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
how does that bad decision feel?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
