Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
