how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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