I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
