Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
