hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
