I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
