my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
