Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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