why didn't you poke me back
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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