I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
