His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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