Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
