I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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