I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
wow bdsm is so cute
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
