Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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