I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize