I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
