her facebook's as public as her vagina
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
