I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
