Already got asked if we're dating
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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