I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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