I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
