there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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