I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
