Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I've blown a few things in my day
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
