Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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