I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
