About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize