Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
