he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
