i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
