Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
