please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
