I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize