but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
