So drunk, too bad you don't want this
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
