I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
someone owes me an orgasm
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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