Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize