he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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