you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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