4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All the doctor said was why
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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