Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
