apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
