So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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