her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize