oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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