I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Randomize
