you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
