if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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