This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm sobbing to NWA
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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