Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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