Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
