yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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