I want to stick my p in your. b.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
