I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
