If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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