I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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