I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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