I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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