I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
