Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
