I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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