omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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