My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
