so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
