Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
