Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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