I just saw a hot homeless man
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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