i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
