just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize