thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
