when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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