the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
