Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm really busy with my period
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