is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
