I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
