He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
