I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
