Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
