Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
