Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
