ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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