so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize