I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
