I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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