Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
