I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
