i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
