I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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