No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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