dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
