I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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