Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So vagazzling was a success
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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