i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
